Is This Lie True in Your Parenting?
“I must do something significant for my kids to love and respect me.” I have believed this lie, and at times, still struggle with it. God wired me as a doer and I get a charge from achievement. One downside is a tendency to find my identity in achievement. The enemy knows and uses this lie often in parenting.
Truth = They love you. Not your achievements. What are your favorite memories of your father, father figure, or grandfather? The activity may have been fun, but the value of relationship remains paramount in your memory bank, right?
So, how do battle this lie?
1) Take the focus off of yourself and your to-do list. The parent-child relationship is not a task to accomplish. It’s a relationship to be enjoyed. Often your achievement provides a sense of fulfillment beyond what God intended. The accomplishment becomes your identity.
2) How does God love you? Write down the ways God loves you. Then do the same for your children.
3) I love the idea behind this list; http://www.becomingminimalist.com/35-things-i-hope-my-kids-will-say-about-their-dad. I think this list has some redundancy but the exercise is priceless. What do you want your kids to say about you? Make a list for yourself (no pressure to have 35 things. My list is much shorter). I bet these things don’t make the list;
– my dad climbed the corporate ladder
– my dad made a lot of money
– my dad worked more than 50 hours a week
4) Do you connect with your kids at their best time? Figure out what their “best time” is and put that in your calendar. My firstborn’s best time is 8-10pm. My second born’s best time is 6:30-8:30am. It doesn’t have to be two hours long but find the best time to connect with your son. Pick ten or fifteen minutes during their best hours and enjoy the relationship.
I have believed this lie more than the others. When I’m not walking with God, insecurity and a desire to be significant keep my ears open to this lie.
Do you struggle with believing this lie? What does it look like in your parenting?